was that bad conchita pibil or my inner voice?

We have always instilled a strong sense of respect for the kids inner voices and tried to encourage a real honing of identification.  We attended Kidpower workshops with the boys and read Gavin de Becker’s Protecting the Gift.   We have always told them that their inner voices are much more important than anyone’s outside voice – even Mom and Dad’s.  Part of this inner voice is the insane, illogical voice that whispers.  When we were in Xalapa this voice told me not to drag the trailer there.  I had no idea why, but I had a very heavy, dreading feeling about taking the trailer to Xalapa.  I argued with the voice for a while and then gave in and we found an amazing thermal area and camped there and drove into Xalapa.

This summer I had a SERIOUS itch to visit Isla Holbox and swim with the whale sharks.  I’d had this itch since last year but this year the boys were even stronger and I was SURE they could keep up and was really looking forward to the get away, the trip, the new place and the whale sharks.  Jamie however, had a visceral reaction to the idea and it was not a good one.   His inner voice was telling him to stay far away and so for no other reason we cancelled our plans.

When we were recently in Valladolid we floated the idea of staying another night.  All the kids were fine with it excpet Pike.  Pike is really a very different animal from the rest of the family.  He needs to know exactly what will happen when and next and is very uncomfortable in situations he is not intimately familiar with.  You can imagine how difficult life is for him in this family of freewheelers and spontaneous acting people.  So you can imagine that he was about at the end of his rope with the idea of staying another day.  But Jesse really really really wanted another day in Valladolid and we had a very long discussion about needs and strategies and expectations and I really thought he’d felt heard and respected.  And then his inner voice spoke up and said that something foreboding was waiting at home, but if we waited a day, the foreboding feeling lifted.  I honestly thought he was just trying to manipulate his way but tried very hard not to let that color my discussion with him.  We really explored his feelings.

Meanwhile, Pike was very silently listening and at a lull, piped up that he had a very bad feeling about visiting the cenote (we had be planning to visit all morning, but he’d had a private visit with me the day before and already knew the cenote).  The other kids were devastated, especially Jesse, who really wanted to visit the cenote.

So we went round and round and discussed and strategized and listened.  And finally, Jesse found his feeling of foreboding completely lifted and Pike felt it would be ok to visit the cenote (everyone was dying to visit that he’d already been to) as long as everyone was careful.  And we’d not stay an extra day.  It seemed like it was just two boys trying to manipulate the family/the other boy into what he wanted, no?

At the cenote, Jesse lost a favorite toy – one that he absolutely adored – and has been trying ever since to get another.  It upset him terribly, and when he is upset his brother is just as sad as he is.

When we got back home (PaaMul) we found incredible drama and sadness with our neighbors.

The last couple times I’ve tried to organize a trip to Merida I have just fought myself the whole way and really dragged my feet on getting us there yesterday.  Once the deadline had passed that we should have been on the road already and we changed our plans to go on Sunday, my whole demeanor changed and i felt lighter and began to look forward to the trip.  Go figure.  I have no idea why, but I’m glad we postponed until my inner voice gave the go-ahead.